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About Deviant Core Member MollyFemale/Unknown Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 3 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 1 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 1 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 2 0 Balance  by SereneLotus Balance :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Balance 2 by SereneLotus Balance 2 :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 1 0 Natures Mark by SereneLotus Natures Mark :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Untitled by SereneLotus Untitled :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 Seasons by SereneLotus Seasons :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 0 0 My Guardian Angel by SereneLotus My Guardian Angel :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 1 0 A Closer Look by SereneLotus A Closer Look :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 2 0 Serenity by SereneLotus Serenity :iconserenelotus:SereneLotus 1 0 Stark by SereneLotus
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Spirit of Life and Death by Kitsune-aka-Cettie Spirit of Life and Death :iconkitsune-aka-cettie:Kitsune-aka-Cettie 323 33 CM: Tsubelle [1] by TornTethers CM: Tsubelle [1] :icontorntethers:TornTethers 299 26 This image is terribly right sided. by TornTethers This image is terribly right sided. :icontorntethers:TornTethers 381 18 Bird Serpent Fish by creaturesfromel Bird Serpent Fish :iconcreaturesfromel:creaturesfromel 2,637 69 Twin Rats by creaturesfromel Twin Rats :iconcreaturesfromel:creaturesfromel 2,329 72 custom order Kirin by creaturesfromel custom order Kirin :iconcreaturesfromel:creaturesfromel 15,525 663 A Most Precarious Spring by creaturesfromel A Most Precarious Spring :iconcreaturesfromel:creaturesfromel 12,898 447 Feathery red by Coalbones Feathery red :iconcoalbones:Coalbones 65 12 Crawling Dragon by Coalbones Crawling Dragon :iconcoalbones:Coalbones 148 10 Tabeoca by Coalbones Tabeoca :iconcoalbones:Coalbones 54 11 Evening Sunset Feonix by NukeRooster Evening Sunset Feonix :iconnukerooster:NukeRooster 2,841 57 Rev by NukeRooster Rev :iconnukerooster:NukeRooster 1,297 24 New Year Heron Design by NukeRooster New Year Heron Design :iconnukerooster:NukeRooster 1,651 39 The Hunt by NukeRooster The Hunt :iconnukerooster:NukeRooster 3,267 91 toothless act by Apofiss toothless act :iconapofiss:Apofiss 8,643 662 Story by iya-chen Story :iconiya-chen:iya-chen 7,253 328


SereneLotus's Profile Picture
Current Residence: CT
Favorite style of art: Bold lines
Operating System: MAC =]
MP3 player of choice: I-pod touch
Favorite cartoon character: Foamy the squirrel/Jake the dog
Personal Quote: "....Groovy" -Molly =p

Its been a while....

Sun Nov 16, 2014, 7:19 AM
It has been a long time since ive been on here......well 4 years to be exact. I feel so different now. Im 20.... Jesus i feel old. anyways for the last two years ive been in treatment. my depression got worse and i dipped out of high school. i graduated in treatment. so at least i have a diploma. My self harm got bad and i had crazy anxiety. I also have PTSD. shit man i sound so fucked up. im alright though. i guess ill start from the beginning of the story. 
my dog sandy died. i had her since i was 4. right after she died my cocaine use got out of control. i was not sober EVER. i went to a wilderness program and it was so fucked at first. i was so stuck in my own self pity. i didnt think i was doing anything wrong. my dad is an addict so i was brought up with drugs. anyways wilderness was the hardest more rewarding thing i have ever done. i really re-connected to my love of nature. it kind of flipped a switch in my mind and got me thinking in a different way. Im not going to say that 3 months in the woods cured me but i will say it got me on the right path. I went from wilderness to a residential treatment program. shit man that place was lame as hell. i got 2 hours of phone and internet a WEEK! wtf?! i was way up in NH. it was a horrible place. i was there for a year and a half. it eventually shut down as i expected. the owners husband had an affair with an 18 year old girl in the program and so no one wanted to send their kids there. so i was told i needed to find somewhere to live in 2 weeks because the house was being taken by the bank then. 
that was so stressful. i was going to move into an apartment with my roomate but she dipped on me and i ended up at another residential facility in VT. over the last year and a half i had been working at a sled dog kennel and it was amazing. i got to keep that job and i just went when i had free time. the owner just likes to have me around the dogs because they love me and i love them too. i also do good work and work really hard and get shit done. i saved his life once but ill get into that another time.
so i was at this place in VT still struggling with self harm and drugs and all my emotional shit. i started my sobriety there.  I was there 6 months and i wasnt really doing stuff for myself. i was doing the bare minimum. so i got taken into an office one day and my mom was there which was weird cuz she lives in jersey. i was told that i was being sent to another program because this wasnt working for me. i had to pack up stuff and leave that afternoon to go to CT. 
so i show up at this place in CT and im like damn i need a cigarette. i go inside to check in and they tell me this is a no smoking place. i turn to my mom and i start yelling WTF?! why the fuck is this happening. i calmed down after a minute and realized that i was doing old behavior. god its just so easy to slip back into that. anyways ive been here in CT for like 3 and a half months. im really trying this time. i want to get my shit together. ive been sober for 9 months and i have not had a cigarette in 3 and a half months. now dont get me wrong im probably going to start smoking cigarettes when i go home. but im not concerned with that right now. im actually dealing with my shit now. i started working on my PTSD around being held up at gunpoint and being raped and manipulated when i was 14. it sucks dealing with shit but i gotta do it.
i got invited home for the first time in 2 years for the holidays so i must be doing something right.
the girls i live with call me a hippie. i am like so chill now and i say groovy hahaha but im also like super connected to the outside and animals. i have a lot of respect for living things.
my life has changed a lot. it seems insane. ive been through shit times but im goin for it.
thats all i got for now.



created by moefoer
  • Listening to: A$AP Rocky
  • Reading: The Passage



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XxLest5000xX Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2015   Photographer
thx ^^
Chib-bee Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2010  Student Digital Artist
Thanks a lot for the watch<3
psycho-pigeon Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for stalkin me! :P
papercrownhat Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2010
thanks so much for the watch! B]
prestone85 Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2010
thanks for the watch :) hehehe
Zandria Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2010
Thank you very much for the watch, itīs highly appreciated 83
SilverSkittle Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2010  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch! :heart:

And welcome to DeviantArt =P
SereneLotus Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2010
haha thanks ^^
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